For want of anything better it was suddenly time for our good friends Frank and Tipsy to get together again.
Frank, frankly, was tired of being Frank.
And, Tipsy, tipsily, was tired of being Tipsy.
Frank: Oh I am quite tired of being Frank.
Tipsy: That’s just like a guy I used to know, he took particular pleasure in making the most nonsensical statements.
Frank: Who was that guy?
Frank: But I am Frank.
Tipsy: But you are tired of it.
Frank: But that doesn’t make me not Frank.
Tipsy: It should.
Frank: It should does not imply that it does.
Tipsy: It should.
Frank: Oh, you are Tipsy!
Tipsy: Tired of it though.
Frank: Then you are not Tipsy.
Tipsy: Yes, I am not. I choose to be Janet.
Frank: Who’s Janet?
Janet: I just stepped out of a Mills and Boon novel.
Frank: Did you even read any?
Janet: No, but I know I am five feet seven and ravishingly beautiful. And you have to be six feet two to associate with me.
Frank: Okay, then I am Ranvir Khan.
Janet: A Rajput and a Pathan?
Ranvir: You have hit the pin on the head.
Janet: I would rather hit you!
Ranvir: Don’t you dare. I will hit back.
Janet: You will hit a woman?
Ranvir: Yes, I will.
Janet: Is that your code of ethics?
Ranvir: But I am a metrosexual as well.
Janet: That confuses matters further.
So Ranvir and Janet, the Frank and Tipsy of yesteryears set off. Do they know each other? Janet would like to think that they do, that there is a string that ties them to their previous incarnation. She has been practicing a special kind of Chinese dreamy meditation, and though it doesn’t directly talk of rebirths, she is sure that there is a link. Ranvir, in his role as the male, has to play the spoilsport- and therefore terms her dreams illogical.
Janet: What’s the point of having dreams if they make perfect sense?
Ranvir: What’s the point of anything that doesn’t make sense?
Janet: What’s the point of anything?
Ranvir: You do have a point there. I have been writing too many documents, and they have to make sense, in a sense, and that’s what misled me. I wanted sense where there is none.
Janet: Forget it, even though we have reincarnated, we’re still the same. You cannot help being Frank.
Frank: And you always bring me back when I go astray. You must be Tipsy.
Tipsy: I’ll drink to that.
So after a short foray into trying to be what they were not, Frank and Tipsy came back to trying to be what they were (or thought they were, or wanted to be, or what the other wanted them to be, of what they thought the other wanted them to be).
Frank wasn’t really sure whether the return to being Frank was a wise decision. Then he thought that he wasn’t sure of anything anyway. Then he thought whether a decision that could be reversed at any time was a decision at all. Then he thought whether it would matter one way or the other. Then he was reminded of the famous line (and if it is not famous it should be) from Douglas Adams- Why Not Go Mad?
He looked at Tipsy directly in the eye, felt his courage slipping away for a moment, blinked his eyes and then said: Tipsy, after much consideration, due diligence and deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I want to go mad
In razor sharp contradiction to what Frank had expected Tipsy wasn’t taken aback. But then that’s women for you, just when you think you have them all figured out (which, in itself is a sure sign or immaturity); they will boggle you with the unanticipated.
Tipsy leaned forward, batted her eyelids, looked at Frank in the eye, did not falter for a moment and said Yes, my dearest, you are allowed to go mad, you are allowed go absolutely mad, mad for love of Tipsy
That’s another characteristic of women, just when you think they will come up with something absolutely new, they will tell you the same thing again.
Tipsy: The writer is am insolent sexist bastard.
Frank: Well, he does sound sexist, but I am not sure I understand why he is wrong.
Tipsy: Then you are a cowardly sexist bastard.
Frank: I think I am falling in love with you again.
Tipsy: Good, but coming back to the point. I will explain, in you dry logical way why saying the same thing at different times doesn’t mean the same thing. Suppose there is a computer program and I give it an input will it always return the same output.
Frank: Not necessarily, it would depend on the state of the program.
Tipsy: Exactly. So what I say is the input, and what you should understand is the output, and the situation and circumstances I said that in is the state.
Tipsy: And the situation and circumstances are constituted by everything that we have talked about ever, and each time what you were expected to understand based on situations and circumstances at that point.
Frank: So how do I know whether I got it right?
Tipsy: You should.
Frank: And what if I don’t?
Tipsy: Go figure?
Frank: Go figure, what?
Tipsy: Go figure.
Frank couldn’t really figure out much, but he had his ways and soon Tipsy and he were chatting away like old times, and Tipsy was drunk on the madness of love.
Tipsy: So how did you like my idea of the madness of love?
Frank, unfortunately, was rather touchy about the concept of madness today; in it he saw his escape, his panacea.
Frank: Oh Tipsy, I am madly in love with you, but
Tipsy: Frank, dearest, if you love me madly, why the but?
Frank: Tipsy, I never was your dearest, otherwise why would you keep leaving me?
Tipsy: But I keep returning to you, why would I do that if you were not my dearest?
Frank: Then, maybe the most you can give me, is less than what I want
Tipsy: Frank, you are talking like a girl
Here Tipsy is being sexist; the writer cannot resist pointing out.
Tipsy: Shut up, writer.
Frank: Maybe, the madness has caused a sex change.
Tipsy: Shut up, Frank.
Now we have reached a deadlock, the writer and Frank have been asked to shut up and Tipsy has completed her sentence. Who speaks?